How much money to you give your startups?

We pay all of our start-ups in Bitcoin and Floozy Buxx and the amount typically depends on the quality of the joke you tell on stage during the fabulous “Duane-nitiation,” hosted at Partner Brayden Duane’s Texas ranch.

What’s the length of the MountainTop program?

You don’t come out of the MountainTop until you’ve developed a billion dollar business. For most companies that takes about 3 weeks under our expert tutelage, but for some, it takes their entire life. In our first class of 10 companies, all except 2 have been able to see the light of day again. But even those who have come out have never really left the MountainTop. The night terrors last forever. But remember that at least you’re sleeping on a bed of money.

What percentage of our company do you take?

0% to 110%. Actually almost always 110%. Yea, 110%. Always.

Can a single founder apply for funding?

The only example of us accepting a single founder company was when conjoined twins Chang and Eng Bunker applied in 2007 to start a boutique social network for conjoined twins. So to answer this generally, no. In order to build a successful company, we firmly believe you need the camaraderie involved in being locked together, either through connective tissue, friendship, blackmail, or chains.

Does going through the MountainTop guarantee you future funding and advising from Mud Mtn Ventures?

That really depends on your progress during the program. Good investors, you see, like to invest in lines, not dots. They like to see the evolution of the team, the progress they make, and the competitors they steamroll along the way. If you perform during the MountainTop, it certainly gives you a leg up. And it gives you time to perfect your handshake when you get a finally chance to meet founding Partner Robert “Bob” Miller.

Will you sign an NDA before we tell you about our idea?

Sure, but we’ll immediately burn it and completely and passionately deny that we ever signed it. This may also involve secret prisons and the disappearance of family members.

Can we be a part of the MountainTop without moving to where you are located?

Absolutely not. You come to us, we don’t come to you. In fact, we find the arrogance of this question disgusting and if you found it popping into your head even once, we demand you immediately tell us so we can reject your application.

If we are accepted to the MountainTop, can we bring along our pet dog to the incubation space?

No, we only accept exotic pets. For convenience here is the complete list: Baboons, Camel Spiders, Hyacinth Macaws, Kinkajous, Komodo Dragons, Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches, Maine Coon Cats, Ohio State Buckeyes, Quaggas, Raccoon Dogs, and Servals.