I’ve got this thing and it’s fucking platinum and I’m just not giving it up for fucking nothing.

Aaron embodies beltway political theatre. If you have a start-up looking to get in on the Washington sausage making — then Aaron’s your butcher. To be honest, working with Aaron is a bit like going to an Abilene NRA cocktail hour in a bear costume, but as every wise entrepreneur knows: policy matters, and Aaron can make the marionettes in Congress dance like the mother-fucking Rockettes.

Aaron’s journey to the White House was full of back-rubbing, back-stabbing, back-doors, and back-dating options. At Yale he was introduced to George W. Bush where they performed together in Glee Club and were brothers in Skull and Bones. When Bush took office in 2000, Aaron quickly tapped to fill many roles. After floundering through the ranks and numerous accusations of adultery, Aaron finally found success as the Bush Administration’s Secretary of Special Interests: Earmarking Oversight Division.

During his time in D.C. Aaron worked tirelessly on behalf of corporations and his constituents (billionaires) to abolish the Department of Education, shut down the Library of Congress, reverse Roe v. Wade, and replace state-mandated biology education with naval wartime history. His most high profile accomplishment was the renaming of the Capitol cafeteria’s fries from “French” to “Freedom” — a change that trickled down to the breakfast buffet’s “Freedom” toast.

Aaron is adamant about a work life balance and continues to follow many passions in addition to politics and Mud Mtn Ventures. His personal passions include emailing pictures of his genitalia to White House interns, reading and re-reading Ayn Rand, and spray-painting feral cats red, white & blue.